kembali

hampir setahun sudah aku tinggalkan laman sesawang ni... memang dah bersawang pun... sebab aku hilang? ah.. sebab aku pergi mengembara di alam baru... pengembaraan yang gagal. jadi aku kembali ke laman penuh sawang ni...




akal: so... how was the journey?
hati : painful...
akal : aku dah cakap dah.. kau degil... kau sakit, aku pulak penat nak fikir.
hati : nasib baik gak kau ada ngan aku... at least aku tak sesat jauh sangat...
akal : kau ni memang tau.. dah macam ni baru nak puji2 aku... dulu tak nak dengar cakap aku. jadi sekarang mcm mana? nak mengembara semula?
hati : erm... nanti2 lah.. nak rehat dulu..
akal : tipu.. bukan nak rehat2... kau masih nak tunggu?
hati : tak tahu... seriously tak tahu... dah terpaut kat sana.. susah nak lepaskan.. kalau paksa jugak nanti aku luka berdarah...
akal : eh? bukan kau dah nak hancur ke? luka apanya lagi?
hati : kau ni... sama kejam mcm mereka...
akal : hai kawan... bukan kami kejam.. kau yang bodoh!
hati : aku bodoh... sebab tu aku ada kau...
akal : aku ada pun tak guna.. kau bukannya nak dengar cakap aku...
hati : i was not ignoring you...totally....
akal : TOTALLY.... yeah right... kalau tak mesti kau dah mati sejarang...
hati : maafkan aku...
akal : bukan pada aku...
hati : tapi...
akal : kau tetap takkan berubah...kan?
hati : aku harap aku berubah...
akal : aku harap kau lebih kuat...
~~~

Hello "TEACHER"

WHooooaaaa!!!!! sedar tak sedar dah almost 2 months people are calling me by that name... but still, jiwa kecikguan tu belum datang lagi dalam diri, macam mana? i've tried to make enjoy full learning, but things seem not right. be my self, follow the system, or follow what the lecturer wants? sabarlah wahai hati, you have few weeks more to face all these... now, other questions suddenly appeared... "am i going to be real teacher?" teachers out there, please help me!!! i really need help!

Semalam... Hari Ini...

Hari Ini : Congrats Siti for the micro teaching! I know you can do it!!! haha... rasa agak released bile sorang dah lepas dari kekangan stress micro teaching cik pah... For that person, you are one step ahead in becoming a real teacher.... bila ingat effor semalam, it was very valuable... semalam tu kita ibarat real sisters kan? haha...
tak banyak yang nak cakap... free writing are supposed to be writing without thinking rite? but it seems i am not a good free writer that i have to think before i write, and that makes me sad to think about the time that has passed and things that i am going to miss a lot!!

Living Lie Life~~~

try to live ur life as a lie...
one day u'll know once u cry
u're not a cradle of rye
which follows the wind blow
till the day u'll die...

I quote back what Nia said to me before... Tapi kali ni takde kaitan langsung ngan post2 aku sebelum ni... bak Fila kate, aku saje je nak meroyan kat blog ni... Ah~~~ it has been a long time aku tak jenguk web blog ni.. memang dah penuh sawang pun... ^_^
lpas kemaskini laman ni sikit2, barulah aku boleh nampak bintang2 berkelip2 di sekeliling... bahagia je rase....


back to the main topic,
try to live ur life as a lie...
one day u'll know once u cry
u're not a cradle of rye
which follows the wind blow
till the day u'll die...
Nia was a brilliant! I am trying Nia... Hehe... Sebab mcm penat dah nak hadap semua ni.... aku rase ke mane aku pergi pun aku hadap bende yang same je kot... Masalah akar umbi yang tak pernah selesai... I need him, I need her, well, I need both...! I am screaming right here, but i know you will never hear...
jadi, boleh ke aku stop? Tetttt!!! No!!! sakit mcm ne pun aku rase kat sini, kat sana I know you are both hurt... i really hope I can heal this great pain, but I always failed. Amazingly, aku tak nangis lagi dah... is this a good news? I am afraid that it is NOT.... sampai aku da tak larat nak menangis, aku takut aku jadi numb, atau keras mcm batu,...
beralih kepada isu lain, yang aku malas nak fikir, tapi pakse aku buat statement baru pasal diri aku,
"I am an individualist, but I am afraid to be alone.'
haha... That is so ME rupenye.... Selfish? Sound so... but I tried not to be heard like that... ah! penatnye....

A Nice Conversation In A Form Of A Poem

I sang a song, then a friend thought that was what my heart said,(actually that was exactly what my heart said)so he continued to respond and listen...

I’ll leave my window open,
‘Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name.
Just know I’m right here hopin’,
That you’ll come in with the rain.

The moon's so bright, the night's so fine, keep ur heart,
here with mine...^_^

Can anyone see the sparrow, behind the shadow?
And if you only see the moon's glow, can you see her sorrow?

Though the love u live would perish in vain,
cant you hid the pain, within the rain?

maybe i am being naive~~~
as I always try to think positive,
that I need to believe,with this love i try to live.

try to live ur life as a lie...
one day u'll know once u cry
u're not a cradle of rye
which follows the wind blow
till the day u'll die...

i know that this is a lie,
but i wont say goodbye,
let the time goes by,
I'll let these feelings fly,

you always run, you always hide,
from all the pain u feel inside...
you always scream, you always cry,
why dont u just say goodbye?

its not that i refuse,or maybe I'm being confuse,
my mind said I've already lose,
but the denial in my heart still continues...

well, i have to go, my friend..
but someday then - i'm not sure when
when ur broken heart have mildly mend
u'll play this game all over again...
till then...just play it in the name of love......

Thank You

i will be a good friend...
a good listener, as Pisces were meant...

To this friend... thank you for being a good listener... Even you never ask, it seems you know... and make me think deeply...

The Outside...

"The Outside"

I didn't know what I would find
When I went looking for a reason, I know
I didn't read between the lines
And, baby, I've got nowhere to go
I tried to take the road less traveled by
But nothing seems to work the first few times
Am I right?

[Chorus:]

So how can I ever try to be better?
Nobody ever lets me in
I can still see you, this ain't the best view
On the outside looking in
I've been a lot of lonely places
I've never been on the outside

You saw me there, but never knew
I would give it all up to be
A part of this, a part of you
And now it's all too late so you see
You could've helped if you had wanted to
But no one notices until it's too
Late to do anything

[Repeat Chorus]

So how can I ever try to be better?
Nobody ever lets me in
I can still see you, this ain't the best view
On the outside looking in
I've been a lot of lonely places
I've never been on the outside

-DOA UNTUK IBU BAPA TERCINTA-

Ya Allah
Rendahkanlah suaraku bagi mereka
Perindahlah ucapanku di depan mereka
Lunakkanlah watakku terhadap mereka dan
Lembutkan hatiku untuk mereka

Ya Allah,
Berilah mereka balasan yang sebaik-baiknya, atas
didikan mereka padaku dan Pahala yang besar atas
kesayangan yang mereka limpahkan padaku,peliharalah
mereka sebagaimana mereka memeliharaku.

Ya Allah,
Apa saja gangguan yang telah mereka rasakan
atau kesusahan yang mereka deritakan kerana aku
atau hilangnya sesuatu hak mereka kerana perbuatanku
jadikanlah itu semua penyebab susutnya
dosa-dosa mereka dan bertambahnya pahala kebaikan
mereka dengan perkenan-Mu ya Allah
hanya Engkaulah yang berhak membalas kejahatan dengan
kebaikan berlipat ganda.

Ya Allah,
Bila magfirah-Mu telah mencapai mereka sebelumku,
Izinkanlah mereka memberi syafa'at untukku.
Tetapi jika sebaliknya, maka izinkanlah aku memberi
syafa'at untuk mereka,sehingga kami semua berkumpul
bersama dengan santunan-Mu di tempat kediaman
yang dinaungi kemulian-Mu, ampunan-Mu serta rahmat-Mu... .

Sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang memiliki Kurnia Maha
Agung, serta anugerah yang tak berakhir dan Engkaulah
yang Maha Pengasih diantara semua pengasih.


Marilah kita kenangkan dosa kita kepada orang tua kita. Siapa tahu
hidup
kita dirundung nestapa kerana kedurhakaan kita. Kerana kita
menghisap
darahnya, tenaganya, airmatanya,
keringatnya. Istighfarlah, Istighfarlah. ..
Barangsiapa yang matanya pernah sinis melihat orang tuanya. Atau
kata-katanya sering mengguris hatinya, atau yang jarang
memperdulikan
dan
mendoakannya. Percayalah bahawa anak yang derhaka siksanya
didahulukan
didunia ini.
Ayah... Ibu ampunkanlah dosa-dosa anakmu...


رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيَّ وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَوْمَ يَقُومُ الْحِسَابُ

"Ya Tuhan kami, berilah keampunan kepadaku dan kedua-dua ibu bapaku dan sekalian orang-orang mukmin pada hari terjadinya hisab (hari kiamat)”

Amin Ya Rabbul Alamin..